A crusade of HOPE

I have to admit that i have always been ignorant when it came to cancer....It wasn’t until I watched the movie ‘My sister’s keeper’ that i realised the trauma of cancer on the sufferer and the people close to them.

I have seen many movies, and many read stories of people who had cancer, I even dyed my hair during the Cansa shavathon this year (in support of people with leukemia), but it was the movie 'My suster's keeper" that actully opened my eyes to the pain strikking reality of Cancer.

In this movie....The symptoms, the pain, the suffering, the trauma of it all is so raw, It touched my heart.

I made a resolution early this year, to walk at least 5 marathons per year, and one of the walks I enrolled for was the Avon/Justine cancer walkathon. Before the race i saw a poster (seen above) and I froze in my step when I read what was written on it, ‘Gereth this walk is 4 you’.

To me this translated into , Gereth we are here for YOU, we are going to walk for YOU, because we care for YOU, we love YOU, WE support YOU, we left our plans for YOU, YOU matter to us, we will fight this cancer with YOU, Gereth this walk is for YOU!

I felt my heart move the same way it did when I had watched the movie 'My sister’s keeper'….from that moment on; the 8km I was about to walk was not about me, It was not about my chubby hips or my plum chicks, it wasn’t even about my resolution to walk 5 marathons , it WAS for Gereth.If a group of people can leave their homes to dedicate their time and energy in support of Gereth and all other cancer survivors, why couldn't i, so i walked........ for him, i dedicated my walk to Gereth.I said a prayer for Gereth and all other survivors as i walked.

I walked for a bigger purpose and that was fulfilling!!

I gotta-a-feeling!!

I have the strangest feeling that something big is about to happen to me, like my axis/center is about to shift, or maybe it is just my soul/being yearning for change?

I have had this feeling for a few weeks now. I don't want to say something bad or good is about to happen, because I honestly don't know, I don't know even, if this 'big thing' will happen in small bits or if it will be a 'big bang' kinda change.

I know this might sound weird, or creepy or superstitious, but let me assure you that it is none of that....When I am quiet, when I still my mind and listen......I can feel a shift, almost like a little 'push' and then a voice from inside me asks 'are you ready' and my answer has always been a cheeky ' ready for what'? But last night when I heard the question again, I shocked myself when I blurted out ' God is that you?' i still don't know where that answer came from....

What i know is that, from somewhere inside of me, somewhere deep inside, maybe on the subconscious level, this 'knowing' lingers, this unexplainable knowing, the intuitive knowing.

I have promised myself that the next time i hear the voice, the next time i hear that question i will respond ' yes, i am ready'

ladyjam productions - 26.10.10

Our father who art in the tree

I never knew how deep the feeling of loss can be, I never thought it possible for anyone to be stilled by loss to the point that they would live in a house on the verge of collapse just to hold on to the memory of what has already been lost, I never knew until I read this book.

Summary of the book: After loosing her husband, this mother of three seems to have lost the life in her too. She walks around the house bare foot, gazing into space like she is lost. She doesn’t clean the house, or cook or even bath….that’s how bad it is. The kids had to take over the responsibility of taking care of the house and themselves, they even had to make her take a bath. One day her daughter heard voices coming from the giant tree outside the house, and discovers that it is her father’s voice, she believed that her father is in the tree!! She tells her mother who then start climbing the tree every night, sometimes even sleepingunder the tree ‘ talking to her husband’ .The problem is that this tree is too old and too big it’s roots are starting to crack up the foundation of the house, the house is almost falling apart. The neighbours and relatives are all worried, they advise her to cut down the tree, but she refuses, she doesn’t want let go of the only thing that still connects her to her husband.’

When I started reading this book, this woman made me soo angry, I thought she was stupid, she was weak and that she was a bad mother. I mean how could she leave is a ‘falling’ house and put everyone’s life in danger because of a tree? But because of what I have been through, thank God I didn’t go bare feet and stopped bathing, but because of my experience with loss I came to understand her extreme way of dealing with grief. I came to realise that her pain was real, that she wasn’t dumb, and that she was just a woman trying her best to pick up the pieces of her life after she lost the love of her life. Her children suffered a dearly and that is sad, and they tried their best to help her but she want ready…she just couldn’t let go.

It took a tragedy, a storm that caused part on the house to collapse, for her to realise that her sentimentality to the tree was dangerous, fatal even. It always does take ‘something’ for one to see they are on the wrong path, almost like a wake up call or a sign from God, as if HE is saying, you better let go now, I have another plan for you!!

FaMiLy TiMe!!!

I had the privilege of spending the whole weekend with my family(from my mother’s side), seeing all of us at grandma’s house, all grown up and full of life, still crazy as ever, I wished I could freeze that moment or put it in a bottle, I wanted the joy and laughter to last for eternity.

I tried my best to take pictures of everybody, to catch all the smiles and funny faces and the crazy poses. That was my way of ‘freezing’ the moment.

I took some time over the weekend to put the pictures together into one giant portrait that I will print and frame. The picture will hang on the wall in my grandmother’s lounge; it will serve as a reminder, for generations to come….that once upon a time, we shared a roof, a meal, a smile and a life.

I thank God for all these moments, for they bring out the true essence or life!!