One step at a time

I tried to plan my life once…I had a perfect list; I went like School, Perfect job,
Perfect house, perfect car, and perfect man and then perfect babies. Some one very wise once said: “in the midst of the planning and the counting …..Life happens” and so it did.

I came to a sad realisation that “perfect” does not exist...and that broke my heart. So... does that mean that I should no longer have expectations…..no I think not, I think it means that I should not restrict myself to a particular outcome ….. I should just plunge and hope for the best and who knows I might receive or experience more than I expected

Tonight I sit here, next to my daughter who came before the house, the car, THE job, and the wedding and I have no words to express how divine this moment is, it is close to perfect.
Although I could not get every thing in “perfect” order, I’m at peace knowing that, yes….I can’t know it all but I can do my best and take pleasure in every moment. From today I will not plan….. I will let go and let GOD

One step at a time

I tried to plan my life once…I had a perfect list; I went like School, Perfect job,
Perfect house, perfect car, and perfect man and then perfect babies. Some one very wise once said: “in the midst of the planning and the counting …..Life happens” and so it did.

I came to a sad realisation that “perfect” does not exist...and that broke my heart. So... does that mean that I should no longer have expectations…..no I think not, I think it means that I should not restrict myself to a particular outcome ….. I should just plunge and hope for the best and who knows I might receive or experience more than I expected

Tonight I sit here, next to my daughter who came before the house, the car, THE job, and the wedding and I have no words to express how divine this moment is, it is close to perfect.
Although I could not get every thing in “perfect” order, I’m at peace knowing that, yes….I can’t know it all but I can do my best and take pleasure in every moment. From today I will not plan….. I will let go and let GOD

tic toc

There is only 3 weeks to go …..then I’ll pack my bag and go back to jo’burg.i have mixed feeling about going back to work….but more so about leaving my daughter behind.

In the last few month she became my world, my everything…and I ask myself if she is my all.....why would I want to leave her, Why would I want to be more than 6 hours away? Except from my job there is really nothing that I’m rushing to, and that breaks more than my heart.

she is here

Waiting

20 Augugst 2008

The time has arrived…..there is only a few days to go…..I’m anxious and a bit impatient. The waiting is not easy …..it is like waiting for a bus on the day of a national workers strike…..not knowing if its coming or not. I thought she would come earlier, but it seems she is still enjoying the nestling comfort of my tummy ( blush)

Everybody with experience has told me how painful labor is…. ( grrrrr…) I wish there was an easier way (sigh!). One thing I know for sure is that I am ready to push… knowing that every pain, every contraction will bring my Angel close to me. I can’t wait to cuddle her, kiss her, feed her and just look at her pretty little face.

It has been a very long but worthy journey, one that I will not think twice to embark …but not in the near future. I have absolutely no regrets and I’ve loved carrying a life inside me. That made me like an incubator, I was able to protect and nurture a baby for 9 months and that makes me a proud mother.

During this time I learned so much about myself, I got to discover my inner strength, I found other dimensions of life…..which I am ready to explore.

I never thought in my life that I will ever eagerly look forward to pains, Yepp!! , that’s what I’m waiting for , stabbing…..sharp pains as my labor contractions starts…….tic toc tic toc…