Goodbye

‘’ People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead’’ Pastor T.D Jakes

I thought I got it all figured out, I never needed to worry about dating again…lol...i thought , I have a man , we are happy , we are in love and we planning a future together , we have nothing to worry about….right?

The Denial

Don’t get me wrong I did not expect that our relationship would be without problems, but I thought …what ever it is WE can overcome it. Well… some of the ‘little’ problems we had build a huge One and I did not even see it coming. I was shocked, I thought it was joke. I told myself we will talk about it; he will then see that he is sooo wrong about me.

‘We?? …there is no WE !”I saw my hopes and dreams crumbling before my eyes; my sand castle had been washed away but the big bad sea.

After all these years, after everything we went through …..how can this be happening, my relationship was a happy one ( most of it), I’ve never felt so loved , so special ever in my life. I tell you I had a best friend and a lover all in one package. What went wrong? Why me? I did nothing wrong! Why does it have to end? Why can’t we talk? Why is he doing this to me? I had a long list of questions with no answers and that frustrated me.

The Pain

There I was sitting on the bed , staring at the picture we took at the Christmas function…nicely framed, I was listening to our favorite song; playing on the dvd player he gave me , I felt the pain creep in…...the tears where coming ….i’m not gonna cry …I said …. I got off the bed and put on his slippers, I stared at my image in the mirror, the mirror his brother made for me ; then I realised I was wearing the top he bought for me on my birthday….how do I accept that it is really over that all these are the remains of a 6 year relationship with a man I STILL love so dearly.

They say everything happens for a reason ,but you know what…… no matter how many reasons there are for this to happen , none of them would have the power to stop my heart from shredding into a million pieces. It was at this point that I broke down and cried, I think I cried for hours, I don’t remember. I woke up the following day at 4:45am still in my clothes…thanks to the alarm clock

The Aha!! moment

I made a phone call to my mom , I cried in her ear , I called a friend and I cried again…and I felt so much better…they made me realise : it is ok to cry , that it is ok to hurt , that is ok to feel lost sometimes.

I read somewhere once that ‘it is better to have love and loose it than not have it at all…’ I don’t feel that all the years are wasted because they are really not.

I look back with a smile for having had a chance to smile a million smiles, and I look forward to the future with a smile... for there is still an opportunity to smile some more, with my beautiful daughter , with my wonderful family and with my dear friends.