The 'other' side

They say all coins have a flip side, i have learned that all humans have a flip side, that i have a flip side too

We went through a difficult time in my family, when of one my sisters lost her child. It was a sad moment for all of us, made worse by other family issues that have been going on for a while.

In the midst, of it all.....Me, the 'CHILD' challanged the elders, as i felt things where not happening the way they should, from where i was standing, i felt it right for me to voice my concerns, only i did not voice them, i screamed them, I threw a tantrum and half , in simple terms i FLIPPED.

Whether i was right or wrong is immeterial, what still blows my mind is the rage, the fired i had in me at that moment, i was unstoppable, it was a the fierceness that still scare me today. I had enough rage in me to start a war.....I still ask myself, 'where did that come from' - was it instict reaction? over-protectiveness maybe? was it EGO? my way of mourning? was it just me casting bottled up issues in the wrong direction?

I have said to many people, that i saw a side of me that i never knew existed, i knew i was not a 'walk over' or 'push over' or whatever it is they call people who are too defensive, but i did not, not ever think that i was capable if taking other people's challenges/journey/learning curve and i that i could make it my primary mission to ressolve them, to the point that i ended up internalising and personalising a collective family challange and made everything ALL about ME.

I dislike what i became that week, I hope that is not who i become in the future when faced with challanges of that magnitude, i hope and pray for wisdom to discern MY place in every situation, and should i have something to say, May i say it in such a way that i leave no scars.