2012

2012 will be a leap year, starting on Sunday of the Mayan calendar. This calendar ends on the 21st of December 2010, which marks the completion of the great cycle (a period of 144,000 days). According to this calendar the 21st of December 2012 is the end of the world (as we know it). The question is, was the movie convincing? Do I believe that the end of the world can be predicted by mathematicians, computer pioneers, and code-breakers, astrologers, or even a Mayan calendar?

The answer is NO, Sadly only two actors came through for me as authentic, it was the Radio broadcaster and the black-cute-scientist (wink_winkl) the rest where just a bunch of exited and scared screamers with no character. I can’t say much about the storyline cause there wasn’t really much of it anyway, I didn’t get a real sense of mystery, or how ordinary people on the streets reacted/felt during the whole ordeal.

The visuals were pretty impressive i must say, I sat there in awe witnessing volcanic eruptions,Tsunamis, earthquakes, floods and earth freeze , it was unbelievable (no pun intended).

I do believe in the last/final days and the 'end' of the world , mara i tell you it has very little to do with climate change/global warming or science let alone a calendar, and when that day comes no ship/steel capsules will can save us, nor will the rich and famous get VIP tickets.

10 DAYS

I am on day 10 of my 90 day challenge; some targets I’ve met some are still work in progress. It has not been as easy I thought , at times I had to push myself to make an effort towards my goals, at times I had to stop myself from walking away from it all.

I am still on course, taking each day as it comes.......80 more days to go. There is no real difference yet on the scale yet, I’m not positive all day long yet, sometimes my meditation is not so quite as i battle with my thoughts, but I am so so proud of myself for taking the first step. (heehaaa)

Activities include:
Setting goal/targets
Developing a vision board
Love diet (dairy entries)
Exercising
Eating healthily
Meditation and Prayer

90 Days

……not Steve Harvey’s 90 days (:P), I have joined the Kalavati December Healthiness Quest, it is a private Facebook support group for anyone who wants to challenge themselves to live their best life. The focus is on Spiritual, Mental, Physical and Emotional well being.

Today is day one of the quest,in the next 90 days I will be pushing boundaries, shifting perspective, going deep into my being to bring out the best version of me.

Next post will be in 10 days….

movies, lunch and a dance

On Friday evening I got a sms from KB saying ‘2moro we’re going to rock Sandton! I want 2 c u all looking beautiful’. I immediately knew that it was going to take me longer to get ready, but that did not curb my excitement, we where going to SA’s version of the ‘The big Apple’.

I had not seen my gals since the marathon, and that was way back in August. We planned to have a picnic and then the weather disappointed. We then decided to go for movies, lunch and shopping at Sandton City. We wanted to send off 2009 in style and we did just that, it was a fantastic experience to say the least!!

What did we get up to??

We watched the Ugly Truth; I really liked it…..especially the sound tracks

We danced and a sang in the movie theatre..they must have thought we are crazy(song by Florida - ‘You spin my head right round, right round, When you go down, when you go down down’)

We got lost ….several times ….

We helped Thandi get ready for her company year end function…..beautiful shoes, dresses, tops, makeup…we went all crazy!!

We took pictures at the theatre, with our popcorn and drinks…yeah, like kids do

We invaded home décor stores; I mean the expensive home décor stores…...a gal’s gotta dream right??

We ate pizza, lots and lots, triple stacker, with three cheeses and a crammed crust…..yho, it wasn’t my idea :)

We took a walk on the Nelson Mandela’s square and took some pictures, hmmm it’s the kind of pictures you wanna print, believe me

and we talked...like sisters do, we had the kind of talk that leaves you feeling lighter, the kind that puts the beautiful smile back on your face.

The Shack

We have established a book club at work, and I am the chairperson...for obvious reasons (smiley).The first book I read is The Shack by William P. Young, I heard about this book early in the year and I had been looking forward to reading it, and it turned out the most meaningful book of 2009.

I've always wanted to have a frank conversation with God, not in a prayer, but a 'lets have chat kinda of thingy’. I have to admit, I don't know a whole lot about God, and I don't know much about the Bible either, I can't quote many scriptures from the top of my head, all I know is that God loves me, and that I know for sure.

In the book The Shack, Mackenzie looses his youngest daughter to a serial killer, he blames himself for what happened, he thinks God does not care about him or his family, he then goes into depression. Mackenzi gets an invite to the shack where his daughter was murdered, the invite is from God.

Mackenzie has a conversation with God (The father), Jesus (the son)and Serayu(the Holy Spirit), he spends a weekend with them, in a shack of all places. He learns that THEY are all ONE, that we are all ONE. Through his journey I got my chance to have a conversation with God, a lot Mackenzie's questions where my questions (maybe yours too) and that made the whole experience even more ''real''.

So,there I was, sitting in the comfort of my bed, and I 'asked' God all the questions that have had me confused for as long as I can remember. Questions about pain and suffering, possession, love, expectations, healing, religion, dreams, destiny/calling, faith, judgement and submission.

The book did not answer all my questions, instead it taught me that the world is not only about answers, that I am not here to understand why I am here, but I am here to fulfil a purpose, and I don’t have to ask why , I just have to ask HOW?

I also learned from this book is that I do not have to prove myself to anyone, because just being here (on earth) makes me worthy enough and God loves me as I am.

My lil gang-Star

The cool, swaggering 13 month old toddler in this picture, is my adorable, tiny 1 month old baby, this time; last year. I still can’t believe it!!! I still can’t get my head around how everything happened so quickly. I am not surprised thou , most of God’s works are still a mystery to me, and I’m afraid will remain mysterious or should I rather say miraculous until I graduate from my human form.

The fact that this life came through me and the fact that I have been entrusted with this huge responsibility of caring and loving and teaching this child.....leaves me awestricken, I believe that i am trully blessed and I know for sure that I have been divinely anointed!! Amen

outCAST

This is written in GREAT HONOUR of Caster Mokgadi Semenya, a young woman whose life was turned upside down by deceit, disgrace and ignorance by her fellow citizens, the IFAA and the media.

She ran...with her heart and soul
to fulfill her dreams and those of many Africans
She didn't know that the finish line marked the end of life as she knew it, as she had imagined it
She became a hero to some, an outcast to those who do not believe in the supremacy of her gift

She hears whispers, lies and things that breaks her heart
while others can't wait for the gold to be snatched from her grasp....
others are eager to make a quick buck out of shine

she watches.....hopelessly, as everybody tries to fit her into their stereotypical boxes
She is 'that girl' with a deep voice and heavy muscles
She is 'that girl' who looks like a man
She is 'that girl' with no womb
She is a hero to some, an outcast to those who do not believe that she is woman enough
She is a Hero.....a s-hero to me!!

~Ladyjam Productions
Statue

Piece

If I can write, then I can say that I am truly living. I have big dreams for the words that I scribble, I believe that they have a potential to motivate, heal, inspire, humour and change the world, I know that’s a little ambitious , but what is a dream without ambition?

A small piece of writting
in my worn out creative dumping
It might not be that exciting...
but it is inviting,thought provoking and enlightening

So small, my piece of writting
in my own shaky handwriting
Hardly anything enchanting....
but it is loaded,spirited and life changing

It is a small piece of writting, today.....
It is an Oscar winning piece of writting, tomorrow....

~ladyjam productions

To my dear friends

I don’t know much about this world
I too am on journey to discover it too
To make sense of it all

Wish I knew how to stop your heart from breaking
But what I know, is to cry with you
And help you piece it back together

I don’t know how to heal hearts
But right now I wish I knew, just for you
Cause your pain is mine too

I can only imagine how deep the pain cuts
I know thou, that it can’t be deeper that God’s love
For there is nothing bigger than Him

I have no idea how tomorrow will be
What I know, is that I will be there
To face it with you

It might take us longer, but
I am content, knowing each step will bring us closer to a happier you

Sometimes I might not know how best to be there for you
But I want you to know You can get me on the phone anytime, and I will pray with you

With all my love - Ladyjam

In my thoughts

This is one of many my private thought scribblings, I have decided to share this one with you because it played a significant role in my 'moving on' it was some form of release i guess.

When i wrote this I was heavy with emotions, I was tired of the emotions, I can say I was at the acceptance stage, ready to close that door that I’ve been keeping ajar for months.

I realised I was stuck in the past, and i was worrying about the future, I was torn between this two places to the point that 'the present' did not have any value. I was missing out on life.

This piece helped me get through some stuff I’ve been holding onto and it helped me to LET GO!!

In my thoughts

Stuck in my thoughts are the many private and priceless moments we spend together
The melodies of our favorite tunes

In my thoughts are our dreams of chasing the rainbow together
Hopes of a bigger and brighter tomorrow

Stuck in my thoughts are words unsaid.... a destiny unfulfilled...a journey cut short
stuck and never to be pursured

stuck in my thoughts are the images of man who never believed in my undying love for him.

ladyjam productions

Note; the ideas expressed in this piece are purely my thoughts, with no reflection on anyone else

Celebrating our femininity

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and this picture tells a story of women who are ''living life to the fullest' , women whose stamina and will-power is undeniable, relentless…..worthy of a gold medal.

Just a few days after Caster Semenya’s gender saga was splashed all over the media, while her humiliation was just a joke to some, and heartbreak to her family, friends, community and her supporters.....We proved that women can, and yes we can!!

i am beautiful...i am a woman

I am beautiful because I put my best foot forward in good and bad time, I ride through storms swiftly in my stilettos, my power lie(s) in my smile……it says I am confident , I am optimistic and I’m ready to take over the world. I am beautiful cause I am ME…. And ohh yes I am proudly Woman...

Happy woman's day to all my a beautiful friends..

For some women....there isn't much to celebrate

As we celebrate, let us not forget those who are less empowered than we are….let it be our mission to emancipate every Woman!! Let’s dream big, let’s aspire to become the best we can be, believe in yourself and know that you are worthy in the eyes of the Lord!! Stay blessed!!

Tears f a woman!!

I woke up this morning….face bruised...cuts all over
I didn’t feel like facing the world, or is it the world that doesn’t want to see me?
Maybe I should have listened to you and quit my job already

It hurt so badly when I took the shower..
warm water crept into my cuts and bruises
I wished I could wash away my pain, quilt and shame too
Maybe you where right, I am as useless as I am worthless

I had to wear more makeup, to cover all the cuts and bruises
I struggled to find an outfit that could hide....all these cuts and bruises all over
Maybe one day you will change and I won’t have to hide anything, anymore

I made breakfast for you this morning and you forgot to eat, again
I know I’m not good company, but I’ll try harder tomorrow
Or maybe you just couldn’t stay and stare at my cut and bruised smile

I couldn’t look you in the eyes when you leaned to kiss my cuts and bruises
I know you love me, you told me so last night
when you helped me put some pressure on my bruised arm
Maybe I should listen to you more, and stop seeing my ‘silly’ friends

Our son asked me if I fell in the shower again
He tells me he heard the neighbours fighting last night
But I think he knows, cause our neighbours are on vacation
Maybe I should tell him the truth
That it was you who bruised me like this


It is women’s day on Sunday…..
But I won’t dare disrespect you and attend women celebrations
Women empowerment is for women who have forgotten their roots
Who wants to hear that women have right anyway?
Unless I want more cuts and bruises all over!!
I am your woman...and that is the end of it,
That’s all I can ever be

By ladyjam productions

She did it , she can walk...YIPPIE!!

I battled to sleep last night, i was overwhelmed by exitement after hearing news that my little gal took her first steps.

I knew it was gonna happen, but i had no idea the joy it would bring, and the sadness that came along with the fact that i was not there to witness this wonderful moment, to give her big a big kiss and lotsa hugs for her achievment....

Mommy is proud of ya little Lady!!

I was there....with my VUVUZELA!!!

A few weeks ago I got a chance to experience the thrill of watching a Confederation cup game LIVE….and I had a blast! A friend invited me to go watch Banafa Bafana vs Brazil game at Ellis Park during the Confederations Cup 2009 semi finals. I went and got myself a vuvuzela and flag, I couldn’t get a Bafana shirt, or rather afford one.

Even thou South Africa did not win the game (don’t ask me the score) I must say that they played very well. I cheered, I screamed for Booooooooth and Khune, I also learned to ‘operate’ the Vuvuzela (its not easy, believe me!!), I even made a few Brazillian friends!!

I am not a soccer fan, but it is undeniable that soccer is a universal force. It creates an international platform for players, coaches, countries, companies and fans that any other entity can’t create single handily. It stirs unbelievable emotions in men and women alike, it’s exiting and it is the most celebrate sport in South Africa if not the WORLD, and I’m still not a fan? wierd huh?

Woza!! 2010 World CUP Woza!!

Not Today....

On some days i can hold my head high and walk on clouds, but today is one of those days where i don't feel like coming out of the hole. I know i'm not supposed to fall apart , i know i must smile and keep walking, i know i must look forward with hope but not today.

I am not giving up, or giving in, i'm not accepting defeat, i am simply taking a break from the 'all is well' front that i have now come to master.

I am simply accepting the feeling, acknowledging the pain and the confusion, that does not make me a failer, does it?

Siba'nki

You light up my world

Your tenderness gives me a new outlook

My soul rejoice in your presence

You redefine my purpose in life.

You are mommy's pride and joy

I love always.

Back on the blog...

I know how the world looks like when you are upside down, the view is refreshingly different and weird but it gave me a new perspective of this thing we call life. It's not always easy to embrace change, to see it as a positive rather than the enemy, it is unfortunate that change doesn't ask if you are ready.....it hits from the back unexpectedly and then you fall flat on your face right into the mud.

When you are down there you have two choices, either to taste the mud, and if its any good then start feeding off it or you raise your head and stand up as you realise that you just fell.....you did not die. The problem is, sometimes we forget how strong we really are, we forget that we have a reservoir of strength should we run out, we even forget that each fall is a lesson and that we don't have to carry it all on our shoulders.

I am smiling broadly as i type this post because I now realise how silly I've been , I've fallen before and I rose and I have no doubt that i will come across more challenges in the future and I will rise, again and again, and each time i rise i come out stronger, wiser and even more beautiful.

The Dressie

Last week I received a very interesting parcel from Liberia. I have a friend, we met online (skype) in 2007 , his name is Mambu Stephen Gbanyan, Jr. He is a very compassionate young christian man; he has been there for me through good times and bad.

He sent me a very beautiful dress, made of Liberian cloth, he went through so much trouble to get it to me and I appreciate his efforts. Thanks to him I’ve now added Liberia as one of my MUST-GO places. Yeah…one day!!

A week to go

The election day is upon us, we have seen many rallies and debates, we have seen Zuma’s charges being dropped (no comment from me) and we have heard countless ‘apologies’ from our dearest Malema , we have seen Zille afire….protesting the NPA’s decision,We have been promised hope and a better life for all, We have seen them all and we have heard them all and now it’s the time for them to HEAR US. We are after all the deciders of our own fate.May our decision be reflective of our TRUE feelings so that we can have the future we dream of.

The future is in your hands,Vote wisely friends.

Inspired , Motivated and Involved

A woman that Inspires me........coming soon... :)

This writting is inspired by a friend of mine ….who thinks and believes that she is all alone in the big bad world , how wrong she is….

When the emptiness builds up
When fear sets in
Don’t be in doubt
You are not alone

Don’t let you thoughts deceive u
Into thinking you are an island
Cause I’m just a call away

When all else fails
When things seems to fall apart
Don’t give up..

Don’t let the wrong voice tell you
That no one cares for you
That no one loves you
Look up with hope
Cause God is always a prayer away

In those odd hours of the night
When no one else is online
Just remember that
I’m just a poke away

When you feel lonely in crowds
In those weird moments
Look around you for signs of comfort
The birds and the bees, the flowers and butterflies
You are not alone
And you NEVER are

God! what am i learning?

They say it is in our darkest moments that we learn, they say it is when it hurts the most that we know we are learning , Maya Angelou even said 'In the valleys we learn' , that is why i woke up this morning and asked God, what is my lesson? and Why am i failing to see my lesson?

40 Days to go!!

Only 40 days to go before the 2009 National elections, with no doubt this is going to be a historic event. I think people should go out on this day and vote for whom ever they feel is the best leader in this trying financial times, i think we have past the point where we vote for people out of Loyalty, I for one believe we have come to pass the 'he was at Robin Island fighting for our freedom' kind of Voting, but hey...I’m not a political Analyst.

For the he first time in the history of South Africa we see political parties on TV commercials, weekly Election debate (the ultimate fight Zone) and political party posters with different pictures (some parties have black faces on posters in townships and villages and white pictures in the City...what a joke).

I am not voting these coming elections, I’ve registered, but right now I personally do not see the point. I will however be at the voting stations....selling lollipops and ice cubes, (I need the money...we are in a recession after all,!!).

I believe this year's Elections are just a fight (literally) for power and with no intentions of service, and again that’s my thought, you know what…. I would really love to hear Madiba's thoughts on these elections.

The next 40 Days will sure be even more interesting, with lotsa drama, empty promises and fighting , we are bound to hear more about Elections and what Malema has been up to, I just hope we do not loose the focus on the upcoming 2010 World cup and the current financial crisis. Let’s remember there is still life after the power battle, We need to think beyond the 22nd of April 2009.

To all the voters; all the best…make your best choice!!!

I am l'oosing' it!!

A few months ago, my niece ( who is only 6) made comment about my weight , that made me laugh, but it also made me think more about the ;issue'.She said i needed to join ' The Biggest Looser' ( Weight loss TV Show) my sister and i went quite for a while then we burst out laughing.

I've since lost a most of my 'preggie' weight , but the truth is i still need to loose more. I am not about to join a weight loss show but i’ve been on a diet for the past months, I’ve cut down on takeaways and I drink lots of water, I’ve also tried different eating plans and it was a real adventure.On some days I’ll have ham for supper, yes Ham and just Ham.

I’ve lost 2 cm around the waist and 7 kg since I started weighing myself and that was on week 2 of the diet. I’m still far from archiving my goal but I gave myself a round of applause this morning when I got off the scale.

I feel great, I am ‘loosing’ it….and I’m lovin it!!

I am fine...really!!

I am happy to report to you, my dear friends that I am really fine , I wake up everyday and I count my blessings and that has helped lift my spirit. I have so much to be grateful for.

I refuse to go around sulking….I trust that the Lord will continue strengthening me and blessing me.

Amen.

Goodbye

‘’ People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead’’ Pastor T.D Jakes

I thought I got it all figured out, I never needed to worry about dating again…lol...i thought , I have a man , we are happy , we are in love and we planning a future together , we have nothing to worry about….right?

The Denial

Don’t get me wrong I did not expect that our relationship would be without problems, but I thought …what ever it is WE can overcome it. Well… some of the ‘little’ problems we had build a huge One and I did not even see it coming. I was shocked, I thought it was joke. I told myself we will talk about it; he will then see that he is sooo wrong about me.

‘We?? …there is no WE !”I saw my hopes and dreams crumbling before my eyes; my sand castle had been washed away but the big bad sea.

After all these years, after everything we went through …..how can this be happening, my relationship was a happy one ( most of it), I’ve never felt so loved , so special ever in my life. I tell you I had a best friend and a lover all in one package. What went wrong? Why me? I did nothing wrong! Why does it have to end? Why can’t we talk? Why is he doing this to me? I had a long list of questions with no answers and that frustrated me.

The Pain

There I was sitting on the bed , staring at the picture we took at the Christmas function…nicely framed, I was listening to our favorite song; playing on the dvd player he gave me , I felt the pain creep in…...the tears where coming ….i’m not gonna cry …I said …. I got off the bed and put on his slippers, I stared at my image in the mirror, the mirror his brother made for me ; then I realised I was wearing the top he bought for me on my birthday….how do I accept that it is really over that all these are the remains of a 6 year relationship with a man I STILL love so dearly.

They say everything happens for a reason ,but you know what…… no matter how many reasons there are for this to happen , none of them would have the power to stop my heart from shredding into a million pieces. It was at this point that I broke down and cried, I think I cried for hours, I don’t remember. I woke up the following day at 4:45am still in my clothes…thanks to the alarm clock

The Aha!! moment

I made a phone call to my mom , I cried in her ear , I called a friend and I cried again…and I felt so much better…they made me realise : it is ok to cry , that it is ok to hurt , that is ok to feel lost sometimes.

I read somewhere once that ‘it is better to have love and loose it than not have it at all…’ I don’t feel that all the years are wasted because they are really not.

I look back with a smile for having had a chance to smile a million smiles, and I look forward to the future with a smile... for there is still an opportunity to smile some more, with my beautiful daughter , with my wonderful family and with my dear friends.

My Comforter

Music has its own way of lifting one's spirit.... and for the past few days I’ve have found lots of comfort in music. At first i would have it play on full blast, I liked it loud....loud enough to block my thoughts and that worked for me. One day a song caught my attention....all I could her was a lady screaming 'Comforter' and that is exactly what I needed. I needed someone to hold me, to help me ease my load, someone to mollify me….and the song speaks of a ‘faithful father’ who is THE greatest comforter of all. After listening to the song, Comforter by Cece Winans (many times) I decided to share the lyrics with you, maybe you might find some comfort in it. Enjoy

Verse 1 : Faithful friend and fatherI've called you through the years.You've been great physician when sickness lingered near.Through distressing moments your name is new and sweetYou've become comforter to me.

chorus:You are comforter that's who you are to me.Comforter a name that fits so perfectly.Peace that passes all understandingComforter is who you are to me

verse2:To the grieving family who weeps for loved ones
gone.The pain of separation consumes another home.On the waves of sorrowYou walk with perfect easeComforter is who the whole world needs

Repeat chorus: You are comforter that's who you are to me.Comforter a name that fits so perfectly.Peace that passes all understandingComforter is who you are to me.

Peace giver, Life changerJoy giver, Peace riverWaymaker, Life changerPeace giver, Joy giver

The changes

I've decided to make a few changes in my life, some are drastic while others are minor. I know that change is not easy......but i will try and fail and laugh at myself for atleast trying.

....stay ..tuned...

Last weekend was fun…lots of fun. After lots planning and scheming (all legal) we met on Sat morning to begin our shopping spree!!! We enjoyed drooling over cute tinny socks and vests and hats…..and…. everything else baby.

Our beautiful mommy to be was surprised, she was happy we where happy!!

Pimping ME!

I woke up this morning and I realised that there is something wrong with me.

In the past few weeks I’ve just been sort of 'drifting along’, I would say I’ll do something and I don’t, and my to do list keeps getting shorter and shorter cause I keep eliminating other stuff for no reason. I've realised that i am not motivated, i get bored at work , i am often late for work (yep). I am lazy, that’s the word. I've been through a lot of emotional strain lately and i think that's what bringing me down but that’s no excuse to let myself fall apart.

The good thing is that I’ve decided to something about it.

My Black President

On Tuensday , once again a black man made history, Barack Obama become the 44th president of America. For most....this was a sign of Hope \, for some it was a needed confirmation that CHANGE is possible and for me , well it was an very emotional event, as i sat and weapt a FEW tears , i could hear Breanda Fassie's 'My Black President' playing at the back of my mind.

Obama's Innaugaration was not just a political event, as his appointment challeged racial norms and shifted perspectives on the capabilities of a black man , an African man. It proved that we can be MORE than just what the world expect us to be, more than what WE believe we can be.

If a man born of a Kenyan father , can become head of state of America , can you imagine what another Kenyan man/woman can do, what another African man/woman can do , can you imagine what YOU can do? The possibilities are endless.

Mandela set the example , Obama followed...what are you waiting for my friend?....