Give me a sign

I was minding my own business on the bus on my way to work, when a gal who was sitting next to me tapped me on the shoulder handed me her cell phone. She had type a message asking if the bus we were on was going to Johannesburg hospital, I was still puzzled ...THEN it finally hit me - she is either deaf or dumb or both , that’s when the reality of sign language dawned on me - it was this incident that inspired me to write the poem below:

In crowded spaces

When silence is all there is

People, moving soundlessly....In numbing mute-ness

When all you have is a nod, a shake Or a throw of hands in the air

Just give me a sign

When language barriers are sky high

And words are likely to betray you

When the world stares clueless...

In that moment of uncertainty

Give me a sign

Give me a sign when your heart is joyful

When your spirit is dancing to the melody of life

When saying it is just not enough

When I am here,

and you are there

In places were words can’t reach

You can give me a sign

a nod or shake A throw of hands in the air In rhythm

All I need is a sign

ladyjam produtions. 05.04.2011

Weave-less

As you all know, i have recently cut my hair and i intend to keep it short and natural for the rest of the year.

Daughter of mine

A few weeks back i put this up as my facebook status, i woke up with soo much gratitude and love for my baby gal.

I have been blessed

By your many smiles

And the look of wonder in your eyes

By your first steps

Your first words

I am blessed

By the excitement in your voice

By your careless laughter

By the life lessons you open my eyes to

…I am blessed to have you

Daughter of mine!!

what inspires me

I am a woman with loads of dreams

some big and some small

and each day I strive towards my desired destiny

I want to set foot in every countryin the world

and take pictures of everything and everyone…

I am a woman who embraces her challenges

and sits for coffee with her weaknesses

and talk light into them.

I am a woman who has had to let go of so much

and still finds her cup half full

I am a woman who smiles,

because the opposite is just too ugly…

I dream of writing about my triumphs my joy, my challenges

and my journeys around the world.

Did I mention…..

that I am happiest when I am with my pen and paper;

I am inspired most when I am writing…..

when I am pouring my heart and soul into words.

I AM a published author in the making!!

ladyjam Productions

A thousand splendid suns

Women are phenomenal, i have said this many times and i say it again, we are awesome.....in the face of war, in the face of betrayal, of hurt, of loss, of pain......through it all....we rise, again and again.

I am reading a book based in the war stricken Afghanistan, where survival is key. The situation is dangerous, desperate and hopeless and yet two women who meet under unfortunate circumstances find themselves knit in a web of love......like mother and daughter.

*coming soon*

striking a pose...

I was fooling around (what's new..lol) with my cousin. She took the pics while i tried my best poses...and i think we might just have the next Naomi Champell in the house.... (non-skinny Naomi...let me add)

EAT PRAY LOVE

After watching the movie 'EAT, PRAY, LOVE' I strongly believe that books should never be made into movies, never. #selfish bookworm.....coming soon!!

so you think you can dance?

My aunt is getting married in a few weeks, and i'm one of the bridemaids (panic!!).I was told that I HAVE to practice steps (wedding dance moves, i tell you)....but because I am in Johannesburg and everybody else is in Polokwane, it is impossible for me to practice with everybody else.

In the face of this tricky situation, I decided to try it out.......on my own.I went and bought one of those wedding songs dvd's (desperate times….) and I thought all i had to do was play it, and ‘do like they do’, alas! it is not as easy as that, my step counting and my turns and my hip sways are still like that of a white gal (not disrespect), sadly!!

why must it be soo complicated....mara why?

Not Vegetarian.......i'm now on Vegan (big sigh)

why do I always set unrealistic goals for myself….. Mara why?

I have a wish to become a vegetarian; I know it is not going to be easy,because I am soo addicted to meat it is not funny….I want to do it, and I know I can!

BUT I do NOT want to be a raw vegan…..

A few weeks ago a friend of mine who is a raw vegan asked (on facebook) if there is anybody who would like help/support with going vegan, I was one of the 1st people to say ‘me, me me'
#typical me, always eager for a new challenge!

Raw vegan means : no animal products in food, clothing i.e no meat, no leather shoes or leather handbag, no leather interior for my ‘Land Rover’ either lol, no milk in my muesli , no eggs, no yoghurt…(cause it has milk) and no cheddar cheese EVER?

All you eat is fruits and vegetable… and you eat atleast 70% of them in their raw form. I will have cucumber sandwiches for breakfast and will be chewing on lettuce leaves and carrots for lunch, and then lettuce and raw tomatoes with carrot and a apple smoothly for supper and snack on nuts. I don’t know about you, but this sounds really absurd (with due respect)

I sat puzzled and asked myself…Have I lost my mind? Am I trying to prove some kind of point? if so, to whom? am I just acting ‘out’?But aint I too old for acting ‘out’? is this a phase?Is it mid-life crises already, soo soon…hehhhe Or have I really just lost my mind?

I know my health will befit from eating less meat or no meat at all, I know the environment will benefit if we all ate less meat, mara, do I have to start leaving on raw cabbage, celery, ground ginger and green salad with no feta cheese for the rest of my life?

On that note; I have decided, I have actually realised (after I went to a ‘chisa nyama’ the same day I had said I want to be a raw vegan) that I don’t want to be a vegan, I am not ready for it!

Bigger than US

There was a big halo around the sun today.....what an amazing sight. We all watched in awe, at the incredible phenomenon....i still can't get over the magnificence of it all !!

I stood there and thought, is God looking at us? is some-ELSE looking at us? are aliens coming? Is this the end of the world? My thoughts where running wild and I was anxious and excited, I was even starting to fidget (lol) Then someone announced that it is just a halo, caused my moisture/ice crystals in the air.... I was soo disappointed at the news...(that's how crazy i am.....lol)

Anyways, to me this was a reminder that there is something/someone out there bigger than us. The fact that this halo happened without human intervention, proves that we are just observers, we can invent all the technology we want, the truth remains - the Universe is bigger than US!!

A crusade of HOPE

I have to admit that i have always been ignorant when it came to cancer....It wasn’t until I watched the movie ‘My sister’s keeper’ that i realised the trauma of cancer on the sufferer and the people close to them.

I have seen many movies, and many read stories of people who had cancer, I even dyed my hair during the Cansa shavathon this year (in support of people with leukemia), but it was the movie 'My suster's keeper" that actully opened my eyes to the pain strikking reality of Cancer.

In this movie....The symptoms, the pain, the suffering, the trauma of it all is so raw, It touched my heart.

I made a resolution early this year, to walk at least 5 marathons per year, and one of the walks I enrolled for was the Avon/Justine cancer walkathon. Before the race i saw a poster (seen above) and I froze in my step when I read what was written on it, ‘Gereth this walk is 4 you’.

To me this translated into , Gereth we are here for YOU, we are going to walk for YOU, because we care for YOU, we love YOU, WE support YOU, we left our plans for YOU, YOU matter to us, we will fight this cancer with YOU, Gereth this walk is for YOU!

I felt my heart move the same way it did when I had watched the movie 'My sister’s keeper'….from that moment on; the 8km I was about to walk was not about me, It was not about my chubby hips or my plum chicks, it wasn’t even about my resolution to walk 5 marathons , it WAS for Gereth.If a group of people can leave their homes to dedicate their time and energy in support of Gereth and all other cancer survivors, why couldn't i, so i walked........ for him, i dedicated my walk to Gereth.I said a prayer for Gereth and all other survivors as i walked.

I walked for a bigger purpose and that was fulfilling!!

I gotta-a-feeling!!

I have the strangest feeling that something big is about to happen to me, like my axis/center is about to shift, or maybe it is just my soul/being yearning for change?

I have had this feeling for a few weeks now. I don't want to say something bad or good is about to happen, because I honestly don't know, I don't know even, if this 'big thing' will happen in small bits or if it will be a 'big bang' kinda change.

I know this might sound weird, or creepy or superstitious, but let me assure you that it is none of that....When I am quiet, when I still my mind and listen......I can feel a shift, almost like a little 'push' and then a voice from inside me asks 'are you ready' and my answer has always been a cheeky ' ready for what'? But last night when I heard the question again, I shocked myself when I blurted out ' God is that you?' i still don't know where that answer came from....

What i know is that, from somewhere inside of me, somewhere deep inside, maybe on the subconscious level, this 'knowing' lingers, this unexplainable knowing, the intuitive knowing.

I have promised myself that the next time i hear the voice, the next time i hear that question i will respond ' yes, i am ready'

ladyjam productions - 26.10.10

Our father who art in the tree

I never knew how deep the feeling of loss can be, I never thought it possible for anyone to be stilled by loss to the point that they would live in a house on the verge of collapse just to hold on to the memory of what has already been lost, I never knew until I read this book.

Summary of the book: After loosing her husband, this mother of three seems to have lost the life in her too. She walks around the house bare foot, gazing into space like she is lost. She doesn’t clean the house, or cook or even bath….that’s how bad it is. The kids had to take over the responsibility of taking care of the house and themselves, they even had to make her take a bath. One day her daughter heard voices coming from the giant tree outside the house, and discovers that it is her father’s voice, she believed that her father is in the tree!! She tells her mother who then start climbing the tree every night, sometimes even sleepingunder the tree ‘ talking to her husband’ .The problem is that this tree is too old and too big it’s roots are starting to crack up the foundation of the house, the house is almost falling apart. The neighbours and relatives are all worried, they advise her to cut down the tree, but she refuses, she doesn’t want let go of the only thing that still connects her to her husband.’

When I started reading this book, this woman made me soo angry, I thought she was stupid, she was weak and that she was a bad mother. I mean how could she leave is a ‘falling’ house and put everyone’s life in danger because of a tree? But because of what I have been through, thank God I didn’t go bare feet and stopped bathing, but because of my experience with loss I came to understand her extreme way of dealing with grief. I came to realise that her pain was real, that she wasn’t dumb, and that she was just a woman trying her best to pick up the pieces of her life after she lost the love of her life. Her children suffered a dearly and that is sad, and they tried their best to help her but she want ready…she just couldn’t let go.

It took a tragedy, a storm that caused part on the house to collapse, for her to realise that her sentimentality to the tree was dangerous, fatal even. It always does take ‘something’ for one to see they are on the wrong path, almost like a wake up call or a sign from God, as if HE is saying, you better let go now, I have another plan for you!!

FaMiLy TiMe!!!

I had the privilege of spending the whole weekend with my family(from my mother’s side), seeing all of us at grandma’s house, all grown up and full of life, still crazy as ever, I wished I could freeze that moment or put it in a bottle, I wanted the joy and laughter to last for eternity.

I tried my best to take pictures of everybody, to catch all the smiles and funny faces and the crazy poses. That was my way of ‘freezing’ the moment.

I took some time over the weekend to put the pictures together into one giant portrait that I will print and frame. The picture will hang on the wall in my grandmother’s lounge; it will serve as a reminder, for generations to come….that once upon a time, we shared a roof, a meal, a smile and a life.

I thank God for all these moments, for they bring out the true essence or life!!

Ladyjam in a white dress

It seems i have fallen inlove with dresses, i just luuuuuuv them. I bought this white little number for a picnic and i think i look great in it, don't you think? :)

Siba turns TWO!!

Can you believe it, my baby gal is two......yeah!

The diary of a 'mad' chubby woman!!

Ok, let's get one thing very clear, I have the highest self worth, I respect myself and my body and I aspire to be as healthy as possible BUT I am not skinny, I was not born that way and I doubt any miracle will happen that would turn me into Cinderella, Tyra Banks or anything resembling the body of a miss world!! I mean really now!

I am very mad at all the prejudice society puts on chubby people, like we are from some wierd planet. I know most people associate skinny with healthy, which makes sense, but don’t sum up my capabilities, both social and professional based on the size of my curves or my butt for that matter.

It is soo unfortunate that we ‘carry’ our fat with us, in full view of everybody, while pedophiles and thugs are able to hide their true nature, therefore they get no judgment or condemnation, they live free of prying eyes and undermining looks. It makes me soo mad.

I was walking (exercise) with my sister and this man looked and us and said ‘the third one (me)wa forsa’ (basically not fit enough to walk)and he laughed!!I went to him and said ‘you know nothing about me, so just shutup’ , I then went on walking.But I was soo discouraged afterwards and I got soo mad. So...does that mean that I’m not fit enough to be considered healthy, and I’m not fit enough to train?

And then....when I joined a fitness challenge at work and someone said ‘you really must loose weight'.I almost lost it, thank God I didn’t. I did ask though ‘who said i need a man’?, I was a little rude, but can you blame me, really?? I know she probably didn't mean to offend me, but it is such words, that can destroy one's confidence and make you feel 'less-than', like there is something wrong with you.

I am mad for me, and all other women and men who are considered lazy and lacking self love because of their body size or shape.I am more mad and scared for my daughter, the mere of thought of her ‘hating’ herself for being chubby and possibly starving herself to be accepted by society puts me on the brink of real madness.

I do not want my baby gal to ever go on yo-yo diets
I don’t not want her to force a small pair of jeans on herself in the fitting room, Never
I do not want her to get obsessed with the scale...
I do not want her to aspire to be like Barbie doll or anything resembling a stereotype of a perfect body
I don’t want her to deprive herself of chocolate, cream cheese or cake if she fells like it
I want her to know she that is made perfect, that she is fine and worthy, as she is
I want her to be healthy and have a healthy (mental) image of herself

It will not be easy for me to raise her to love her body with all it's imperfections because you and I know that people always try to force their views on others, they look at you and box you, before they even hear your story or even your name for that matter!

In the meantime I remain ‘mad’, chubby and fabulous....as Lebo Mashile would say ‘I am sdudla-fabulous’……………….so deal with it!!

3D view

I am battling to get used to my new found 3D view [laughs]; I find it very awkward to have to walk on an exaggerated surface. Apparently it gets better with time, but I really wish I didn’t have to go through this.

As from last week, I wear a pair of eyeglasses (when reading and working), it is necessary as my eyes are starting to fail me (old age alarm..lol). I am glad I don’t have to strain my eyes looking at the computer’s screen and when I read, and the headaches will finally go. (yippie)

I cannot imagine life without my eyesight, getting these glasses made me realise that although I’m short sighted and I hate eye glasses, I am fortunate to be able to see. Something we often take for granted.

I won’t be able to write my book if I can’t see, and the thought of not being able to read (ohh I love reading) terrifies me, I wouldn’t be able to follow my passion for photography either and wouldn’t see all my loved ones, I thank God for my sight.

On a lighter note, I received a pair of stylish Bassie sunglass for FREE, just because I chose Bassie frames for my eyeglasses, so I got rewarded for being proudly South African and proudly woman, ahhh I love it!!

Ohh...how can I forget, Moagi keeps teasing me about my glasses, he looks at me and says ‘you look intelligent’ [laughs]

A journey of 10 000 steps!!!

Becoming a vegetarian is even harder than i thought, for now i have committed to 3 days of no meat in a week, although it is not easy, it is coming on ok. So....i'm onto the next one, I want to go bungee jumping at the Soweto towers in December. (don't be soo shocked, you sohuld be used to this my now) I have saved some money for it, i just have to make sure that i don't suffer a heart attack while at it, i have to get fit, super fit, sooo.....

I decided to start working around the block (8 blocks to be exact) in the afternoon, this time with baggy pants, no more tight fitting bottoms, I’ve learned my lesson (men!!)

I found out that the gym at work is running a fitness challenge, called ‘the 10 000 steps challenge’, so i thought 10 000 step is not too bad, I could reach that within a week or so and win myself a price in the process. After I managed to recruit at least one colleague, we headed to the gym to buy pedometers (step counters) and register for the challenge, with excitement.

The excitement was short lived, it is 10 000 steps per day (ohh my gosh!!), and not 10 000 steps for the entire challenge as I had thought (yeah, yeah)

Now I’m on day 2 and on only 4000 steps. Should I stop? Should I continue? What shall I do?

'Pretty' walk

Me and Admire

I walked a 5km race in a dress, well if that aint fabulous femininity I don’t know what is...lol.Ok, truth be told, we (my sisters and i) where very late for the Totalsports women’s Race and we didn’t have enough time to change and fellow 'racer' where already on the move, sooooo we decided to join in. We subjected ourselves to a lot of stares, comments and giggles, but it was not that bad.

I bumped into my college mates Joleen and Admire, how awesome is that. I might go to the Vodacom challage race this coming Sunday, that is if I’m feeling better, because flu turned me into a ‘zombie’ for 5 days and I’m still feeling a lil sick*ish. Hopefully I won’t be late…. :)

I got home and dressed up...i had to...lol

....and then i lost it!!!!

them gals and the boys

In an attempt to re-live the Fifa world Cup and get a final glimpse of 'Phillip',I decided to go watch the Telkom charity cup @ soccer city.I invited Nozipho and her kids and some friends. We booked 6 tickets for the match and we where all excited......until we got to the Stadium.

Some ‘dimsums’ where sitting (and standing) on our seats, we kindly asked them to move, and the rudeness that came out of them was unbelievable!! The bunch; about 20 or so, of a mixture of boys and girls where drunk and rowdy and where even smoking in public. One of the girls went as far as threaten to 'kick my ass', that’s when I went ballistic, I dared her to try it…..because I would have no one threaten me about something that is rightfully mine, We paid for the seats and we had kids with us for heaven's sake. The weird thing is that everybody around us looked at me like I was being petty for demanding that the people leave, the police where not much help either, to make matter worse....We ended up moving from seat to seat as the owners of the seats would come move us, at some point we where standing by the stairs. I could not believe it, I still don't....it was just insane!!

The fully packed stadium

Anyway...being the phenomenal woman that I am…lol, I got over it and started enjoying the game. We had a great time at the end of the day. My team did not make it to the finals but they sure did play well :) me offcourse.....hehhhe

Although I really enjoyed watching a soccer game live, you won’t see me in a stadium anytime soon....make that never!!

Powerful moment

So...... i missed my bus this morning, and i decided to take a taxi, and when i got in, my trousers got torn, badly.I asked the taxi driver to stop so i could get off, i then went back to my place and picked a skirt, ironed and smsed my boss to let her know i will be late.....and i went work.

I DID NOT get angry/upset, i did not swear at the taxi driver, nor did i curse him.I didn't even think i was having a 'BAD"day....and yes i didn't update my facebook status with 'damn taxi's'!!

I was calm, i still am and this is sooo wierd and wonderful and the same time!!

Happy Wednesday!!!

Movies, music and some quiet time!!

I've spent the past two weekends at home, watching movies, singing along to John Legend, Alicia Keys and Beyonce' and having some quiet 'me time'. I had a foot massage, a read a book' The total Woman Prayer', and i loved it, I even took pictures of myself and they came out really nice...lol *_*. The next few weeks are going to be really hectic for me,so i do appreciate having taken some time out to chill out. I got a chance to think over the state of affairs of my life , and got some perspective.

There is soo much I wanna do, so many places I wanna visit but here I am postponing and giving excuses. I remembered a quote that I read once that said ' Life does not begin when you get your dream job, or car , or house and when you meet the perfect man/woman, live now, and make the best of what you have, the rest shall follow'

That’s what Ladyjam’s gonna DO!!

Hi my name is Ladyjam and I’m a vegetarian wanna be…

I have been reading up on Vegetarian lifestyle and the many types of Vegetarianism, there are soo many people out there who are vegetarian and more and more parents are raising Vegetarian kids, even the state/government is encouraging people to eat less meat for environmental reasons.

What has stood out for me is that eating meat (as we are now) is causing so many problems (poverty, health issues and global warming) for the human race, yet we continue eating meat. Could it be that we are not AWARE of the effects? or we are aware,but not prepared to give up out meat addiction?

It is unbelievable the amount of money, time, food (grain), land and water it takes just to produce 1kg of a ‘juicy steak’, it is more than the amount it takes to produce 1kg of grain. The fact that we are spending so much food, water, money and land to feed animals (livestock), a lot of animals at that, just to support our carnivorous lifestyle, yet Millions of people around the world go to sleep hungry and many die of hunger, and we can't feed them because we have to feed the cows so that WE can have the burger.

It is for this reason that I've declared every Monday a meat-free day, i shall never eat meat on any Monday for as long as i live!!!

get-to-gether

We ate a LOT and watched a little bit of the Argentina and Germany game... and wrote a love note for a stranger, and lied about Thandi's birthday so she could get free ice cream….I can safely say that I have Crazy friends.

The plan was to watch the game at the Ekurhuleni Public viewing area.....but we ended up partying up a storm, until the early hours of the morning, yep I went to a night club, and danced with elated Spanish supporters at the smokey Manhattan night club


I took my sister, Koena with, she met my friends for the first time and she too thinks we are a little wild. The poor child, we took her to places she never dreamed of going, she got a taste of Jozi nite life.....huuuuu la la!

I was forced and threatened to go into this place....i really was

Still can't believe that I was in there!!!

Ooooooook, maybe I wasn't forced and threatened....but it was definitely not my idea....I promise.

After lunch we decided to go out for the night, we didn't have a clue where to go.And when Thandi suggested we go to Adult world.... I innocently asked if Adult world is a shop *-*....everybody burst out laughing, except for my innocent sister of course, she explained that she was referring to Teazer. KB suggested we go to Teazers Midrand.All i knew about this place was that Lolly Jackson, who recently passed away owned this place, and that it was a dodgy place.


To cut the long story short :


It took us some time to adjust, be we finally settled in and observed with wonder, amazement and a little shock

Was it fun? ......yeah… I could say that, apart from the fact that we went in with our knees shacking, and that our eyes pop-ed outa our skulls when we got there, not forgetting the embarrassed of our faces each time a male strippers came to our table….it was kinda fun, but it is not your everyday kinda activity

What did we do? We drank grapetizers and appletizers, to everybody’s shock, the waiter kept asking if we wanted anything else, after much deliberation we ordered a table dance, we had a good laughed/giggle through out the performance, they must have thought we where high on something!

We didn't stay for too long, the waiter told us that all Teasers quests get free entrance at the Manhattan night club and we decided to go there!!

Pole dancing 101...lol

Proud hosts of the FIFA World Cup 2010....

Regina (new addition to my family), Khomotso, Mahlatse, Mpho, Mom and Siba

with my 2 year old niece blowing the vuvuzela with ease, and me trying too hard and getting my lips bruised in the process... and Siba throwing a tentrum each time she sees anyone wearing the Bafana supporter T-shirt (because she thinks it is hers) and the SABC world cup slogan ....on every South African's lips.....i am proud to say "I was there"

My sister was one on the voluteers during the World cup, she was there at all matches at Peter Mokaba Stadium....what an experience!!!


Khomotso with the 'Mexicans'

Taken just before the kickoff - we where feeling it

VEGE...... WHAT?

That’s me and meat.......quite a bond we HAD
I believe that you can either accept your life as it is, or you can pursue a better life, the life that God has planned for US (Jeremiah 29:11), and that cannot happen unless you are prepared to CHANGE.

So....in order for me to break the mould, forget about the norm and chase after this 'better life' I have planned a few crazy stunts for 2010….. And yep I will share my experiences with you all. It is all in the name of fun and paradigm shifting…let's call it extraordinary FUN!!!

Stunt # 1 – Go vegetarian (don’t be soo shocked, it is possible...i think)



I’ve always wanted to go vegetarian for health and spiritual reasons, I have just never got the guts to do it….i have decided that I’m gonna try it for a week, then a month, then….we will have to see how long I can resist Mac D’s chicken foldover and Nando’s and BBQ chicken flavoured pizza.

I could go on and on about how meat is bad for us, and the cruelty with which this animal are treated and then killed just so WE could have a nice feast, and how long it takes for meat to be digested in our system and what that does to our immune system, and I could tell you about the body scent that meat gives us.....and why we should all go vegetarian and even as far as go completely Vegan...BUT I’m not on a mission to convert anyone to vegetarianism, I am not even sure that I can pull it off.

let's just hope that I don't get invited to braais or parties until I am strong enough to say NO to meat!! Wish me luck...I need it :)

2010 World Cup - The African way!!!

When i got to Ghandi's square this morning i was greeted by a colourful display and performance by the 2010 World Cup Puppets, I am assuming they are related to Zakumi :) , the resemblance is just too striking!! With only 30 Days to GO this is more confirmation that SA is ready, SA is excited and SA is already celebrating the honour of hosting such an important soccer event...CAN YOU FEEL IT!!! YEeeeeeeeeBO!!!

The FIFA World Cup Trophy TOUR

I've had the pleasure to view the 2010 FIFA World Cup trophy this morning at the reception area, before the official tour starts*The joys of working for the National Broadcaster*

I sincerely hope that we can keep this trophy in South Africa or at least in Africa, I’m crossing my fingers and toes!!! :)

Veronika Decides to Die

Late last year I read the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, I enjoyed it soo much that I pledged to read a few more books by this author, because he is just brilliant.

I just finished reading Veronika decides to die and I think this book should have been titled Veronika decides to LIVE, because for me it is powerful story of a young woman who besides having made lots of mistakes in her life, decided to take life by its horns….

The books starts off with Veronika plotting suicide because she is bored with her life, at first I thought she must be the most stupid and selfish person on earth…..who kills themselves because of mere boredom? Veronika is 24, has both her parents, she has friends, she has a boyfriend, she has a job, she is beautiful, she is healthy and she is sane (I think) but she has what the book describes as ‘an emptiness inside’. What could possibly cause such an emptiness?……is it self-esteem issues?is it disappointment?is it pain? is it confusion?is it not knowing God? or maybe not knowing oneself? I honestly don’t know....but I wish I never experience ‘an emptiness inside’ cause it just sounds too dangerous!!

Veronika’s suicide attempt fails, she ends up in a mental hospital with a ‘serious’ heart condition, she is then told she has only a week to live. At first she is disappointed that she didn’t die, she can’t wait for death to fall upon her, she even tries to find another way of killing herself…. at this point I’m thinking, what a looser…..how could she be soo deficient, most people who have only a few days to live would, hold on to every breath, they would ‘fight’ to see the next day, what’s wrong with this gal? I asked myself.

At the mental hospital she meets people who help her accept her own ‘madness’, and she realises that living is a choice. She falls in love with a schizophrenic, she starts playing the piano; after she stopped when her mother told her that no one will marry a woman who plays a piano for a living. With every sunrise Veronika finds more joy and meaning for her life, she let go of her fear to live!! She decides to LIVE!!!

Durban!!

Once upon a time, i promised a dear friend of mine that one day i would come visit her in Durban......and since i always....i mean...almost-always keep my promises, i took a bus to Durban on the 25th of March. I had the best of fun.....lots and lots, i could do it again in heart beat

*** Ready for the road***

***This is the 1st palce she took me to when i got to Durbs, Ohh what a view***

***and off we went, these shoes are dangerous....trust me***

***and then i got the hang of it - i'm refering to standing in the shoes...lol ***

***now this is PRICELESS***

Pre and Post JUJU

I try soo hard to stay way from politics, i really do, BUT i fail to remain silent when I see a disaster looming. I don't think we are about to go into war.. please don't get me wrong, i am not saying South Africa is about to start falling part either. What concerns me is when I see people dragging history out of its deep slumber and then call it heritage, maybe our leaders needs to be enlightened on the differences on this two words, nonetheless at the threat of being called a coward and labelled counter-revolutionary (mind you the apartheid revolution ended ages ago) I write the following :

Pre and Post JUJU

Pre-JuJu the ANC was a reputable organisation, its leadership was luminous, SA’s future looked brighter…but now I see smoke, I smell petrol bombs, I hear kids crying….tears falling off faces of our struggle heroes….

Pre-JuJu our freedom was to last for a lifetime, words like ‘kaffir’& ‘Boer’ where part our history not our heritage, I was assured that my generation would live in a democratic and dignified society

Pre-JuJu swearing on national television was not heroic; the word kill was not used metaphorically or otherwise when addressing the masses and the 1976 massacre was not scheduled for a live replay

Pre-JuJu the freedom charter’s prologue served as foundation for a united South Africa, but he trampled on it, and with JZ’s machine gun he shot at any form of optimism for a better South Africa

POST-JuJu I hope that South Africans will be more tolerant of each other’s differences, that leaders will not scream ‘conspiracy’ and ‘respect for privacy’ when questions are asked but instead have the audacity to own up to own their shortcomings and most of all I really hope that our democracy, economy and sanity survives the Malema Era.

Ramasela waga Mashao

Finding NEMO

A lot has happened since my last post.....a lot of thinking, a lot of walking and alot of praying, I wish I had done a lot of reading as well, but i hope that changes soon.

I had a tonsillectomy a few weeks ago, I’ve recovered very well, and I am grateful that it is all over. It was a very scary experience I must say, but who wouldn’t be scared - doctors where about to fondle my throat with some dangerous utensils, and my 'poor' tonsils where about to be put into a jar, not forgetting that I was in hospital, ohh I loathe hospitals.

But I was armed for the two weeks healing process, I never walk into a situation without ammunition, never. So I had bought pain killers (just in case they didn't give me enough, I was told this was going to be very sore—I was not taking any chances), I even bought drinking straws (just in case I needed them :) ----don’t you laugh) and I had bought lots of soup and ice cream (the best part of this whole thingy-thingy)

While waiting to be wheeled into the operating theatre I had a memory flash: 18 months ago I had waited at the same hospital, same spot with the same hospital smells; it was just before my caesarean (when I got baby Siba)

Before my caesarean: I was ready for what was about to happen, my mom was just outside waiting for me and i had all the support i needed and Themba was sitting right next to me holding my hand, however before my tonsillectomy, I was soo terrified and sadly no one was there to hold my hand, no one was waiting outside for me……….well my family and friends where waiting, but it was just not the same.

Amazingly, this moment did not turn into an ‘ohh poor me’ kinda tale, instead it was the beginning of a self ‘finding’ journey, at that moment i KNEW that if I was to walk out of that hospital 'all fine'….it was up to me, if I was to heal well.....if I was to spend two weeks resting, eating well, and taking my medication on time….. It was all up to ME

I had an appointment with my doctor a week after the operation and he told me that out of the 8 of us who had the operation on that day I was only the one who was out of hospital, he was very amazed with my progress, he said ‘you are strong hey... you are soo brave’.

Honestly I can’t really say that I am brave because I remember on one night, I was tossing and turning, it was 2am and I had had no sleep what-so-ever, I had taken 6 pain killers instead of 2, I could not eat and on that night I almost called the ambulance.

I am, however very confident in saying that I am blessed, I am favoured, I am lucky to have friends and family who phoned me time and again and those who came to visit me.

Now I know that I can walk through any kind of storm and I will come out just fine. I have found my own strength; i have found the warrior in Me.…….

HAITI : Moving On!!

The people of Haiti are going through a very difficult time, an earthquake has changed their lives, and things will never be the same again ...........

My Prayer :

May they find the strength to start over
May they find the courage to let go of the past
As hard as it will be....
May they look forward to the future with hope.
May God wipe all the tears
May their hearts find joy, somehow.....someday
God Bless them.

2010 : a new YEAR....a new DECADE

::::::::My vision/dream board::::::

The year 2000

10 years ago I was in high school, in grade 11, I was an 'A' student in my class, I was a prefect, I was the chairperson of my school's debate team (we where the best i must add), I wanted to become a lawyer, I loved reading, I watched lots of cartoons, I was single (shame i was still a baby) and life was blissful.

The year 2010

10 years later I am a graduate, I am right at the bottom of the ladder, I am chairperson of the book club (at work), I’ve accepted that I ain’t gonna be a lawyer in this life time :D, I still love reading, I watch lots of movies, I am STILL single, BUT now a single mother, life is still blissful but the 'fairy bubbles' have sort of fizzled.

The year 2020

10 years from now this is what I envisage: I would be a professional (watch this space...my dear friends)…..right at the top of the ladder, CEO of Ladyjam designs (coming soon), people will be reading my book (hopefully they’ll love it), I’ll be touring the world (there is soo much to see out there), and I will be married to a wonderful man…….with wonderful kids and we will stay in a wonderful house, and life will be ExtA blissful, it would be a great adventure with God right at the centre of it!!

Happy new year my friends.....lets make the best 2010!!

2012

2012 will be a leap year, starting on Sunday of the Mayan calendar. This calendar ends on the 21st of December 2010, which marks the completion of the great cycle (a period of 144,000 days). According to this calendar the 21st of December 2012 is the end of the world (as we know it). The question is, was the movie convincing? Do I believe that the end of the world can be predicted by mathematicians, computer pioneers, and code-breakers, astrologers, or even a Mayan calendar?

The answer is NO, Sadly only two actors came through for me as authentic, it was the Radio broadcaster and the black-cute-scientist (wink_winkl) the rest where just a bunch of exited and scared screamers with no character. I can’t say much about the storyline cause there wasn’t really much of it anyway, I didn’t get a real sense of mystery, or how ordinary people on the streets reacted/felt during the whole ordeal.

The visuals were pretty impressive i must say, I sat there in awe witnessing volcanic eruptions,Tsunamis, earthquakes, floods and earth freeze , it was unbelievable (no pun intended).

I do believe in the last/final days and the 'end' of the world , mara i tell you it has very little to do with climate change/global warming or science let alone a calendar, and when that day comes no ship/steel capsules will can save us, nor will the rich and famous get VIP tickets.

10 DAYS

I am on day 10 of my 90 day challenge; some targets I’ve met some are still work in progress. It has not been as easy I thought , at times I had to push myself to make an effort towards my goals, at times I had to stop myself from walking away from it all.

I am still on course, taking each day as it comes.......80 more days to go. There is no real difference yet on the scale yet, I’m not positive all day long yet, sometimes my meditation is not so quite as i battle with my thoughts, but I am so so proud of myself for taking the first step. (heehaaa)

Activities include:
Setting goal/targets
Developing a vision board
Love diet (dairy entries)
Exercising
Eating healthily
Meditation and Prayer

90 Days

……not Steve Harvey’s 90 days (:P), I have joined the Kalavati December Healthiness Quest, it is a private Facebook support group for anyone who wants to challenge themselves to live their best life. The focus is on Spiritual, Mental, Physical and Emotional well being.

Today is day one of the quest,in the next 90 days I will be pushing boundaries, shifting perspective, going deep into my being to bring out the best version of me.

Next post will be in 10 days….

movies, lunch and a dance

On Friday evening I got a sms from KB saying ‘2moro we’re going to rock Sandton! I want 2 c u all looking beautiful’. I immediately knew that it was going to take me longer to get ready, but that did not curb my excitement, we where going to SA’s version of the ‘The big Apple’.

I had not seen my gals since the marathon, and that was way back in August. We planned to have a picnic and then the weather disappointed. We then decided to go for movies, lunch and shopping at Sandton City. We wanted to send off 2009 in style and we did just that, it was a fantastic experience to say the least!!

What did we get up to??

We watched the Ugly Truth; I really liked it…..especially the sound tracks

We danced and a sang in the movie theatre..they must have thought we are crazy(song by Florida - ‘You spin my head right round, right round, When you go down, when you go down down’)

We got lost ….several times ….

We helped Thandi get ready for her company year end function…..beautiful shoes, dresses, tops, makeup…we went all crazy!!

We took pictures at the theatre, with our popcorn and drinks…yeah, like kids do

We invaded home décor stores; I mean the expensive home décor stores…...a gal’s gotta dream right??

We ate pizza, lots and lots, triple stacker, with three cheeses and a crammed crust…..yho, it wasn’t my idea :)

We took a walk on the Nelson Mandela’s square and took some pictures, hmmm it’s the kind of pictures you wanna print, believe me

and we talked...like sisters do, we had the kind of talk that leaves you feeling lighter, the kind that puts the beautiful smile back on your face.

The Shack

We have established a book club at work, and I am the chairperson...for obvious reasons (smiley).The first book I read is The Shack by William P. Young, I heard about this book early in the year and I had been looking forward to reading it, and it turned out the most meaningful book of 2009.

I've always wanted to have a frank conversation with God, not in a prayer, but a 'lets have chat kinda of thingy’. I have to admit, I don't know a whole lot about God, and I don't know much about the Bible either, I can't quote many scriptures from the top of my head, all I know is that God loves me, and that I know for sure.

In the book The Shack, Mackenzie looses his youngest daughter to a serial killer, he blames himself for what happened, he thinks God does not care about him or his family, he then goes into depression. Mackenzi gets an invite to the shack where his daughter was murdered, the invite is from God.

Mackenzie has a conversation with God (The father), Jesus (the son)and Serayu(the Holy Spirit), he spends a weekend with them, in a shack of all places. He learns that THEY are all ONE, that we are all ONE. Through his journey I got my chance to have a conversation with God, a lot Mackenzie's questions where my questions (maybe yours too) and that made the whole experience even more ''real''.

So,there I was, sitting in the comfort of my bed, and I 'asked' God all the questions that have had me confused for as long as I can remember. Questions about pain and suffering, possession, love, expectations, healing, religion, dreams, destiny/calling, faith, judgement and submission.

The book did not answer all my questions, instead it taught me that the world is not only about answers, that I am not here to understand why I am here, but I am here to fulfil a purpose, and I don’t have to ask why , I just have to ask HOW?

I also learned from this book is that I do not have to prove myself to anyone, because just being here (on earth) makes me worthy enough and God loves me as I am.

My lil gang-Star

The cool, swaggering 13 month old toddler in this picture, is my adorable, tiny 1 month old baby, this time; last year. I still can’t believe it!!! I still can’t get my head around how everything happened so quickly. I am not surprised thou , most of God’s works are still a mystery to me, and I’m afraid will remain mysterious or should I rather say miraculous until I graduate from my human form.

The fact that this life came through me and the fact that I have been entrusted with this huge responsibility of caring and loving and teaching this child.....leaves me awestricken, I believe that i am trully blessed and I know for sure that I have been divinely anointed!! Amen